10 Ways to Emerge from Self-Sabotage
Our lives put great demands on us, so if we can create a life where we consciously pause and try new things, things that make us feel good, and then incorporate them into our day, we will reward ourselves, move toward positive change, and find balance.
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Our lives put great demands on us, so if we can create a life where we consciously pause and try new things, things that make us feel good, and then incorporate them into our day, we will reward ourselves, move toward positive change, and find balance.
- Stop and congratulate yourself. When you notice you're caught up in a self-sabotaging moment, don't berate yourself. You just took the first step by waking up and seeing it!
- Want to let it go. "Want" is a strong feeling. Use it to your advantage to reframe your focus on a list of better choices you have handy, say, in your wallet, or on your desk (more about this below).
- Recognize the person or situation that is the trigger. Example: You're tired and don't want to think about dinner, so takeout happens, and happens again and again until it becomes the norm. At that point, you miss the opportunity to make more deliberate choices about the ingredients you use to cook for yourself, or even the more proactive choices you’ll get at a hot-and-cold food bar.
- Change it up when the awareness hits. If you notice you're slipping into less healthful choices as a habit (and you know when you are, because you feel "less-than" maybe even rotten), then shake things up and discover what makes you feel good. A three-minute diversion (like moving your body, deep breathing, thinking about your favorite place, playing your favorite tune,) can make all the difference.
- Use the new awareness and repeat. Again and again. Become more regularly aware through repetition. New habits start when you choose a new repeated activity, which then becomes the "new normal" over time.
- Tell a trusted friend that you're working to change some habits and you'd like their support. Try to define what that support should look like—a quick email, a phone call, a time to meet, or a favorite recipe. We all need that support, so ask!
- Motivate yourself by creating an Action Trigger. For example, if you’ve been putting off doing something, such as going to the gym, tell yourself you’ll go Tuesday and Thursday after your 6 p.m. conference call. Peter Gollwitzer, a psychologist at New York University, found that people who want to do something will follow through if they define the steps in advance, or create what’s called an "instant habit." By "preloading" a decision, a set of actions is triggered without "going through a cycle of deliberation."
- Keep negative media and negative people in their place. Being informed is great; becoming inundated and overwhelmed — not so much. If getting your news over the Internet via a news feed, for instance, helps filter out the negativity, then do it.
- Help yourself as much as others. Sound selfish? Many of us give so much to others, to the point where there is not much time left for ourselves, as individuals. Giving is wonderful and necessary. But self-care is vital to recharge your batteries and give you a sense of emotional fullness about yourself, so that you’ll be less likely to undermine your own progress via self-sabotage.
- Remember the reason you're here (yep, I mean on this Earth). You make a difference in the lives you touch. Regardless of what you've encountered in the past, the world wouldn't be the same without your special qualities. Believe it. And, if we're all here anyway, then why not make the energy you put out into the world the best possible?
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